just more thoughts

well, the kids are in north carolina now. they are at least somewhat closer now. hopefully next summer they will be able to come here for a couple of months. that would be so cool if they can come down here and just be here with me and dennice.
she continues to amaze me everyday with her devotion and love. im somewhat scared that i might be in over my head but if i am, then heck, i better learn to swim i spose. she is so open and honest with me it makes me want to be the same with her. i am more open and honest and everything then i have ever been with anyone. i still have my green days (as she calls it) but overall i feel better then i have at any time in my life. it seems as if we are both waiting for the ball to drop, but i dont know what that might be.
her daughter starts school tomorrow. we went shopping yesterday for school clothes, that was an adventure. but hey, we had fun.
been looking into buying a house. not sure if i really want to do it, but i have to do something. there isnt anyway i want to keep things the way they are, with meg stayin other places and us being here all comfy. might try and get a nice brick house we found. think i can get it without using the VA loan, since that requires a 2 year committment to stay there. and with the way the army is going, who know if i will be here for that long.
gonna head to bed. hope all is well with you and yours.

WOOHOOO

SHE SAID YES!!! WOOOHOOOOO...im offically one of, if not THE, happiest man on the planet....
we went to the dinner at a nice italian place. took her daughter and her boyfriend. her daughter was in on it too. we finished dinner, and dennice was standing up ready to leave so i asked her if she was gonna finish her glass of wine. the ring was in megans purse and i couldnt figure out how to get it out without raising suspicion. lo and behold, megan knocked over a glass of water into james lap, which allowed me to get ahold of megs purse and dig out the ring. after all the commotion was over, i leaned over and told dennice...i love you more then life itself, will you marry me? then i placed the bag with the ring into her lap, which caused her to tear up, and then she broke out the ring. amazingly, (which is another sign of how this is going soooo well) the ring is a perfect fit.
no real plans on when or where we will do the ceremony. thinking maybe a spring wedding.
well...gonna go to bed and celebrate....

big step

well, its finally happened. Met a woman who makes me feel complete. she is my world, the alpha to my omega, my yin to my yang. Someone who makes me feel dizzy with love and lust at the same time when i gaze upon her. The mere mention of her name sends a shiver up my spine with expectation. I apologize if i havent mentioned her to any of you that read this, but she has completely consumed me with her presence. I plan on asking her to marry me tomorrow night. Even got a ring today. I asked her daughter to help me pick it out. Her daughter is a bright spot too. We click together and have alot of the same feelings about things. We have really gotten close over the last few weeks, and i even helped to get her her first car. Its nice, and i got to admit, im slightly jealous of it. But, she likes it and thats all that matters. If you want to know, when she smiled and gave me a hug when she saw it, it made my heart melt even more. If that was even possible.
But to be honest about elaina dennice keaton...wow..how can i describe or even explain about this woman...as some of you know i like to write poetry...well, she has shown me how the famous poets must have felt when they wrote of love, heartaches (when we are apart), and longing. When we are apart, my entire soul yearns to hear her voice, feel her touch, taste her lips, feel her hands rub the little bit of hair i maintain on my head. I could sit and stare at her face for a year and feel cheated when it was over. Kissing her makes my head spin, the thought of making love to her makes me weak all over and the thought of having her with me for the rest of my living days makes me almost fall prostrate with the sheer overwhelming joy.
If this is how love is sposed to be, i feel so cheated, yet, so happy that i finally found her. Her presence in my life has truly shown me how the Lord has a plan for everyone and everything. She makes me want to be the best man i can be. I want to be the man she has ever dreamed of, thought of, heard of. I want to make her friends jealous, her mom proud, her image of any other man tainted.
Her father was killed in Vietnam. I hope, since he did and i do think this profession is something to be proud of, i would like to think that i am treating his daughter right. I wont know until we are both up there at the same roll call, but he deserves a salute for his little girl. I only hope he is looking down and smiling at how happy she is making me. I pray that i can do the same for her.
Since we have gotten serious, i havent looked at another woman and wanted her. Dennice has filled the void that i have felt for most my life. If this is true love.....how unlucky and unhappy some people must be...that they will never feel this...how the memory of a kiss 2 days ago still makes you smile, the sound of their voice makes you shiver down to the heels in your boots while standing in the woods many miles away, how her face drifting across your memory can make your heart hurt because you want to feel her skin with your hands....her smile makes you forget where you are......
anyway, im going to bed. hoping tonight...i will be engaged to the most wonderful woman i have ever had the luck of even talking to...
i will post the results when i get the chance... :)
Aaron

one more jump

made the 79th jump today. Was pretty fun. Got to jump out of a Blackhawk helicopter from 1500 feet. Starting to get more nerve wracking then ever though. See, i havent had the big scary wreck yet that i think most people have. Sure, i have gotten a concussion, bit both sides of my tongue at the same time, gotten the wind knocked outa me, bounced about 3 feet in the air when i hit the ground (least thats what it felt like), twisted an ankle, would have broken both ankles on the jump into Iraq if it wasnt soooo muddy. But over all, pretty good times. Both when the jump master tapped me on the helmet and yelled go at me today, i hesitated. Had to take a deep breath before i threw myself into the great happy air. Then when i was counting to six, (like your sposed to when you jump outa helicopters) i started to wonder, is this the time i have to pull my reserve? Not exactly the best way to be thinking, but hey, when you have six free seconds and all you get to see is the ground rushing up at you, your mind starts to wander just a little bit. But i did it, so it makes me happy that i still have to courage to conquer that fear. Only 21 more to go and i get to join the century club. Not a real club or not like i get to wear a special badge or anything, but something i want to do before i retire. I also need/want to go to jumpmaster school so i can get master rated and then...OH BOY...i think i will quit..HA HA...100 jumps, master rated, combat jump..there wont be much left for me to do in the airborne community.
One of these days i will get that dang school.....

another name

well, its finally happened. Someone i trained here has been killed. Its the first guy i remember anyway. Not too sure how to feel about it. Sad of course, but not sure if its really cuz i kinda knew him, or just the fact that another American Soldier was killed. Which of course, set me to thinking about all the boys i know that are over there and the ones that i have known that got themselves killed. This brings the total to 6 at least. Im afraid there might be more, but i really dont know if i have the emotional energy to look through all the names to find out. Its heavy enough of a load just looking at the 1500+ names.
There is an Afghan civilian here helping us train the rotational unit. He reminds me of my soldier from Italy and Iraq. I was emailing him, but havent heard from him for a little bit, kinda making me nervous. Im going to email him as soon as im done with this. Hope he is just on leave from Afghanistan and not hurt or killed.
A buddy from ANCOC sent me the newspaper clipping from the service they held for Rice back in Kansas.
Well, time for me to get to dinner. Hope you all are well.

chicken fried

have gotten involved with a gal. not sure where its gonna lead, but we sure do enjoy each others company. She isnt the normal girly girly type. She is more the get in the mud, beer drinkin, 4-wheelin kind. Which suits me just fine. She has a harley. She lets me do my thing with the boys, and can cook pretty dang good.
Those three little words are threatning to creep in. Not that its such a bad thing, but we are tryin to keep this realistic. Im here for another year or so and then who knows? What a dilema.
Neither one of us really knows what to do. We are both gun shy and kinda rough around the edges when it comes to this kinda stuff.
she has basically been living here for the last 2 weeks. i forgot how nice it was to have someone in your life.
goin on block leave here in a month. guess the 2 week absence will let us know how it might all work out.

more thoughts

You smug faced crowds with kindling eyes
who cheer when soldier lads march by
sneak home and pray you'll never know
the hell where youth and laughter go

i like that quote. I had it on the back one of my books when i was out in california back in 1999-2001 and now it seems even more appropriate.
Got a good soaking today when i was on my bike. Of course, if i would have waited, the rain blew over and i could have been ok, but since i thought it was gonna be an all day thing, i braved it home. Oh well, bike got nice and clean.
Spent some on the weekend up at a local lake with some friends. Had a boat and went tubin and skiing. Was alot of fun. Didnt see any alligators, so that was nice.
Got my ticket for going home. Sure am excited to go. But of course as soon as i did, there came open a chance to go to california. Was thinking it would have been cool to go back out there and then just drive home, and then fly back. But since the ticket is nonrefundable and all, guess no cali trip for me.
not much else going on. Gettin ready to go into the woods for about a week. Hoping for dry weather.

Memorial day weekend

Sitting here reflecting on what this weekend means. For most people, its free time away from the job and a chance for them to catch their breath from work. For those of us who wear a uniform for a living, its much the same. We get a 4 day weekend, most go camping and fishing or what have you. But, the actual day of memory...well i think we spend it a little different. I like to think that we all take a moment, if not more then one, to think of those we have lost. Whether its watching the President laying a wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier, or visiting the local cemetary nearest whatever camp we are currently living near or just raising a toast to our fallen comrades, parent, grandparent, friends, or just those men and women who have paid the final price for the freedom that this great nation enjoys.
This weekend is more meaningful this year for me. If you have read my last couple posts, then you know about the 5 men i have known that have given their lives while in service for their country. Been thinking of how i can honor their memory in the best way. Went on a "heros and harleys" ride today. The local dealer sponsered a ride, bout a 100 of us went on it. Good cause so no issues with paying for it. Planning on going to church tomorrow. Not sure, though, if it is to kinda check in with God or to check on my boys and see if He will let me know how they are doing. Just gonna hope the preacher knows what he is talking about.
Also going to reflect on what my Gpa meant to me while i am at it. He was in WWII. I was just about the only one he would really tell any stories to (as far as i know). I sure do cherish those memories, and now, after being in combat, know why he wasn't able to share some of his experiances with people who hadnt gone through at least the training. Its not that most people wouldnt be able to deal with what he went through, but just having the basic understanding of how the training and the feelings would be. Anyway, its a special memory for me on memorial day.
Well, i hope all of you have a great weekend. I would like to ask that you take a moment on memorial day to thank a veteran or think of someone who has served and say a silent thank you.
Happy memorial day.

another one

well, just got in from the woods. Took a shower, now deciding if i want to cook something or just go for a ride and get something to eat. Trouble is the fact that it is somewhere around 100 degrees outside. So, sounds like something in tonight.
Gettin ready to watch the race. Its sad that i let nascar take up my sat night. But it could be worse, could be hanging out in the bars or something.
Had a long feeling time out in the woods. It was only 6 days, but it felt like about 2 weeks. Learned alot while i was out there, but i think i taught even more. Hopefully they will use some of the things i helped them identify that were shortcomings.
Went to the local harley dealer and got the coin they were giving out for us military people. They were handing them out today, but since i wasnt coming out of the woods until today, i begged and pleaded. Course, i think i already wrote about that. LOL
Just finished The Count of Monte Cristo. Yeah, the book. It is filled with passion, greed, murder, love and adventure. Wow, a very very good book. Highly recommended.
Well, time to rummage through the fridge and see whats there. Not much else to say for today.

20APR05

Got the new Dierks Bentley album the other day. The whole thing is good from start to finish. Of course, my favorite song would be "lot of leaving left to do". Particularly the line "Guess the Lord made me hard to handle, so lovin me might be a long shot gamble, so before you go and turn me on, be sure you can turn me loose, cuz i still got a lot of leavin left to do". A friend of mine told me that would she heard this song the first time, she thought of me. Not sure if that is such a good thing....
Was looking at the website for my old unit. Lot of pictures on there of where they are. Sure is good to look through there and see some of the old faces. Sometimes i wish i was there with them, but duty called me somewhere else.
Geez, my house needs a good cleaning from top to bottom. But since i am rushing outa here all the time, its somewhat hard to do. Maybe i should thumb through the yellow pages and see what i can find...this is the south after all. I bet i could find someone who is willing to come in here....or i could just sacrifice some of my harley ridin time....NAHHHH
well, this is a short one...back to the grindstone...gotta go back out in the woods...one of these days im gonna get an office job.....and be bored outa my mind and probably go nuts...

thursday

spent waaayyy tooooo much money today at the den of satan (walmart). bought a new digital camera. The one that spent most of the year with me in Iraq decided it didnt want to work anymore. So i bought a sony cybershot. Its similar to the ones we use at work so at least i know somewhat how to use it. So now i can catch lifes interesting views with both my 35mm and my digital. So be looking for really boring pictures from me in your emails. (if i know you anyway)
Have had the opportunity to spend the past few days with an Australian army guy. Great guy. I hooked him up at the harley shop in alexandria. Seems they are going to give away coins this saturday and since i will be out in the woods then, i got the chance to go there (snuck away is more like it) and begged and pleaded with the owner and manager that since he is only here for a couple more days, then we need to get them early...seems that when i bat my eyes and plead, it works! (course, could have been the dirty, disheveled, stinky large man growling at them too)
He then gave me one of the badges that says "the australian army". Very kind of him. That is something neat about the military. We seem to attach great significance to a coin, or shiny little trinket. Course i know its more then that, its the gesture and good will behind it. Added it to my board that has pics of me all over the world and my little other trinkets.
Im up for reenlistment. Which means i would sign MORE of my life away to the United States Army. But since at my current rank, i get no options (station of choice, monetary bonus, etc), its somewhat of a hard decision. Of course, its somewhat hard to give up after 15 1/2 years if i were to get out, since i could retire 4 1/2 years later. I have just over a year to make my decision, so i have a little time.
well, time to hit the rack and get ready to play army guy tomorrow.
Later

early morning (again)

well, its 520 am, tuesday and most likely wont be back until fri, possibly sat.
Nothing really new to add. Got home yesterday and really felt like going for a ride. So i cranked up the ol' harley (almost 4500 miles on her) and went.....to walmart.....for film. But the weather was nice and it got me out of here for about an hour or so.
Tried to stick a picture on here last night, i only succeeded in erasing everything i had written. Still learning this dang thing, but i will get a picture stuck on here.
There is a kid here for training, that i had last seen while i was in california, doing much of the same thing i do here. That was about 5 years ago, and before that, i was in alaska with him, up until 1996. Great kid...when he saw me, he came up and gave me a hug, and we sat and talked for about an hour. Just swapping war stories and lies. Well, he is going to get his war stories. I hope the Big Man takes care of him and all these kids.
Anyway, time for me to go earn my paycheck.....Hope this finds you and your loved ones doing well.

lost friends

this dang war has cost america some of its finest sons and daughters. im not gonna expound on the whole thing of "how many nobel prize winners or doctors or such great people have been lost?" thing. I myself have lost 4 people i considered friends.
First one was Justin Hebert. A just turned 20 year old, full of life paratrooper that jumped into iraq with us. He had an italian girlfriend and was looking forward to spending time with her when we got back. Everyday he would ask me..."when we going home sergeant?" i told him (after about a week of this) "when i tell you to pack your bags and get on the bird!" When he was killed, i encountered one of the hardest things i have ever had to do, tell my team we had lost one of us. 2 of the kids had just arrived within 2-3 weeks before. I think it shook them up very bad. The rest of the team took it well, considering.
David Bernstein was are XO. His little crappy room was next to mine in the school we had occupied. Spent many an hour just sittin and talking to him. Best memory of him was one night when the mad mortarman had flung some more rounds at us, and there he is, wearing his helmet, t-shirt, shorts and shoes carrying his rifle, and saying "dammit, a man cant even take a s**t around here!" i was almost crying i was laughing so hard.
Micheal Yazinski was our battalion commo guy before he went up to brigade. I lost touch with him before we went to iraq, and then found out the news he was electrocuted standing up an antenna once we got back.
David Rice. one hell of a kid. always, like myself, struggling with his weight. We had dubbed him "our fat little buddy". Always ready to knock himself out trying to do the right thing. Spent the whole year with us and then shipped out to another unit. Just found out he was killed in Baghdad in a grenade attack last week. Still somewhat hard to believe. Im gonna miss him.
There was another kid, john hart, that was in my company that got killed the same night as david bernstein, but i barely knew him. he had only been there about 2 months.
Never really thought i would have to go through this, course, never thought i would jump into a foreign country with the intention of fighting either.
I hope you fallen paratroopers are resting easy in the harness. God bless your families.

early morning before coffee

Nothing really new to divulge here. I need to make the coffee, yet i lack the motivation to get outa this chair and do that. This chair seems to have some gravitational pull to it that doesnt allow me to get my butt out of it. And of course, here on the desk is the tvremotes, so i can actually not have to leave the desk to do anything really. As long as i can get the dominos pizza guy to bring it into the house.......
Really really wanted to go for a nice long harley ride yesterday. The weather here was, of course, completely not agreeing. It didnt make up its mind to rain until 7 pm, but i think that was only because it got tired of waiting for me to roll out the bike and try and get in some riding. Yes, they make rainsuits, but since i'm not allowed to get all the cool tattoos, then im not gonna be that much of a hard-core biker. Rain? ok, takin the pinto!
Been reading some of the news coming out of iraq. How do the bad guys keep recruiting the car bombers? "abdul, here is 30 dollars, drive this car to this building and push this button" "whats that do?" " It will scatter...candy to all the people!" "Oh joy, can i have some?"
Im hoping that soon they will have used up all the dummies for that, but sadly, i think im wrong.
Anyway, back to work today, and not too thrilled to go in. But since they wont pay me money to sit here in this chair, i am forced to put on the monkey suit and head into "THE OFFICE"
Oh, i think i hear the gurgle of the coffee maker....the sweet morning nectar is finally ready, so maybe i wont threaten the little lady at the store over a custard filled maple bar......

first thoughts

Its mothers day. The day to reflect on your mother and tell her how wonderful she has been to you. To thank her for birthing you into this wonderful, weird world. She can remove blood from your new white shirt, make you a meatloaf that makes your knees weak, and embarrass you in front of your friends, but never explain just why your terrified of clowns.
At what point does mom realize that she has gotten older? Is it when the hand painted cards are replaced by the hallmarked version of happiness? When the cards are now addressed "To Grandma"? Do you ever wonder if "mommie dearest" ever received a card? (that she didnt have to beat her child to get of course)
Why isnt there specials here in the local bar on mothers day? This is the south after all. You would think that here in the local drinking establishments there would be signs for "2 beers for a dollar for mothers!" or such wonderful deals as "half price lap dances for moms" and im sure the dj's reminded all the patrons to "tip the ladies well, its almost mothers day!"
Just how does one go about calling your ex-wife and wishing HER a happy mothers day? The urge to add another word to the end of mother is very strong, but may end the phone call without being able to talk to my offspring. And that of course, would end up with me going and trying to find mother day specials at the local watering hole (2 fer 1 on pigs feet!).
Well, time to call dear old mom and tell her i love her. Of course, this is hoping i dont call her and wake her up first.